All About Love & Loving Relationships

BROKEN HEARTS AND DEALING WITH LOST LOVE

2008-10-24T20:13:00.000-07:00

Key Truisms about Surviving Lost Love

When one door of happiness closes, another opens:
but often we look so long at the closed door
that we do not see the one that has been opened for us.
Helen Keller.

Life's glory is not in never falling,
but in getting up EVERY time you fall.
Nelson Mandela
Heart
Overcoming a Broken Heart

Step One:

* Allow yourself time to heal, and know that you can heal. Whether the loss is due to death, rejection, or other reason.
* It is normal to grieve over a loss of a love for any reason.
* It usually takes two to three years for a couple whose relationship has broken up to begin to put their lives back together again. It sometimes takes five years for individuals and families to get over the emotional pain and trauma. Many people can have serious health and emotional problems during this time.

Step Two:

* Realize that you still can find happiness.
* Realize that you can control how you think, what you think about, and how much.
* A key is to concentrate on the positives you have in the present. Not thinking about the future or past.

Healing Helpers

* Being around people and getting involved in helping others is a good way to accelerate the proces of healing.
* Laughing helps too, so see a comedy, watch funny things. That is part of the reason the Irish have a party when someone passes away.
* Helping others helps you loose sight of your own losses.
* It is strongly suggested that you take the intensity of your feelings and re-direct them into doing something constructive that helps others. For me, it was creating this web site and doing volunteer work that helps others. Do volunteer work, it can help the healing process greatly. Especially, if the volunteer work envolves working with others, and feeling gratitude from those you are helping. The channeling the power of your feelings to accomplish constructive acts is very, very helpful.

Suggested Reading:

* The Art Of Happiness
* You can be Happy No Matter What
* And believe it or not ... The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People

All three helped me. Especially the 1st & 2nd Habit

Step Three:

* Activily work to feel better.
* Act happy and smile. Even if you don't feel that way, it should start to make you feel that way.
* Life will be better

Heart

My Personal Experience

In my lifetime (in my 40's now) I have had several relationships. After each major relationship, it took me awhile before I was able to move on. To open myself to caring about someone else.

Even when I did move on, those who I said "I love you" to, I still care about and love to this day.

Now, even knowing that I still truly love the girl who inspired this website who moved on, I don't think of her as a "one and only love." She is the only person I can say I have "true love" for, and might remain that for the rest of my life. I don't know. She may be the person whom I love most in my life, and is at this point in my life by a wide margin.

But, as with all losses of love, I need time to grieve over my loss, I need to cherish what I had, realize what I have good in my life at the moment, and keep a hope for a better future.

If you have lost love, allow yourself the time to grieve (could be months, years. Harder when you have contact with the person that you love, than if you have no contact therapists tell me), then follow the same steps I am trying to do.

Good Luck,

Gregg

NOTE: Count your blessings! Take time to count what is good in your life. If a Jewish man living in a Nazi death camp during World War II could find positives in his life and have a positive attitude, then you can too!

ROMANCE ADVICE

2008-10-24T20:12:00.000-07:00

Well, guess what? Yep, real romance means thinking of the other person, the one you love. Remembering the little things and trying to make their life easier when it is needed most. The most romantic thing you could do, might be something simple, but meaningful.
Key Romantic Actions to do!

Romance is a verb, meaning an action. Key romantic things to do:

1. Remember, days that are special to your loved one. Anniversaries, Birthdays, days that were special for some reason. And do something special on that day, just the two of you.
2. Send your loved one flowers on special days, and on other days just because they are special. Red roses for love.
3. Contact your loved one, just to say "Hi" and to tell them you love them, or are thinking of them.
4. Take a trip with your loved one, to somewhere they would like to go.. especially with you.
5. The simplist romantic thing to do, and the one you should do often, is to look into the eyes of the person you love, and say "I love you!"

HeartHeartHeart

Gals & Guys ideas on romance, and romantic ideas will return after we make some changes

FINDING LOVE

2008-10-24T20:07:00.000-07:00

To live is like to love, all reason is against it, and all healthy instinct for it. So go for it!

The following advice is derived from reading several books authored by psychologists, psychiatrists, communication experts, and even the Dali Lama. The information is backed by scientific studies, thousands of years of teachings, personal experience, and my personal experiences.

Know & be confident about yourself!

Be Caring and Giving to others

Know You have Total Control how you react to anything, what your perspective is, how much something is going to affect you... if you realize you have that control and USE IT!

This is TRUE for everyone. It isn't a theory or a supposition, it is a scientifically proven fact. You are in Control of what you think and how much something affects you. You control how you look at things, your perspective, and how you react to everything in life. When someone "angers" you, you are really just allowing that to happen.

Destiny is not a matter of chance, it is a matter of choice. -- William Jennings Bryan

Care about others, have compassion, loving kindness. And be open-minded! When you do you will really listen to others, and they in turn will be open to you. This with commitment makes for a good start in a relationship.

Make your actions match your words, and both match your head and heart. - Gregg
Know what you want and what others want!

On average, across cultures the most desirable traits are:

1. Kind and understanding
2. Intelligent
3. Exciting personality
4. Healthy
5. Emotionally stable and mature
6. Dependable character
7. Pleasing disposition
8. Good looks (ranked higher by males)
9. Good financial prospect (ranked higher by females)
10. Virginity (ranked higher by males)

Taken from survey data (Buss 1994, 1995).

What college students want most in their partner:

1. Kind and understanding
2. Exciting personality
3. Intelligent
4. Physically attractive (more important for men than women)
5. Healthy
6. Easygoing
7. Creative
8. Wants children
9. College graduate
10. Good earning capacity (more important for women than men)

Taken from survey data (Buss 1994, 1995) of unmarried college students.

THE CORNERSTONES OF RELATIONSHIPS

2008-10-24T19:57:00.000-07:00

THE

CORNERSTONES

OF RELATIONSHIPS

CARING, RESPECT , COMMUNICATION, TRUTH , & COMMITMENT

For a relationship to have a solid foundation to build on you need:

Caring about each other

Respect for each others needs

Communication between each other

Truth with each other on all things big and small

Commitment to each other and the relationship you have!

Simple, but truly needed in a sound relationship.

Love Pointers

When you say, "I love you," mean it!

Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk.

Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but it's the only way to live life completely.

Remember the three R's: Respect for self; Respect for others; Responsibility for all your actions.

When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.

Remember that the best relationship is one where your love for each other is greater than your need for each other.

GOOD RELATIONSHIPS ARE GOOD FOR YOU

People in supportive, loving relationships:

Help each other practically as well as emotionally.

Are less likely to do things that are bad for their health.

Tend to be happier and healthier, satisfied with their lives.

Enjoy the good times and help each other through the tough ones.

BREAKING-UP CAN BE A HEALTH HAZARD

It usually takes two to three years for a couple whose relationship has broken up to begin to put their lives back together again. It sometimes takes five years for individuals and families to get over the emotional pain and trauma. Many people can have serious health and emotional problems during this time.

TRUISMS ABOUT LOVE AND LIFE

2008-10-24T19:45:00.000-07:00

Love yourself and your life and then you can love others

To live, is like to love, all reason is against it, and all healthy instinct for it. - Samuel Butler, Life and love.

Whoever said love is blind is dead wrong. Love is the only thing that lets us see each other with the remotest accuracy. - Marth Beck

Love that is true lasts forever. - Unknown

To be loved is to live forever in someone's heart - Unknown

To love is nothing. To be loved is something. To love and be loved is everything. - Unknown

The love in your heart wasn't meant there to stay. Love isn't love til you give it away. - jasmine

To live, is like to love, all reason is against it, and all healthy instinct for it. - Samuel Butler, Life and love

Immature love says: "I love you because I need you." Mature love says: "I need you because I love you." - Erich Fromm 1900-1980

Love is, above all, the gift of oneself. - Jean Anouilh, Ardele, 1948, (2, translated by Lucienne Hill)

Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own. - Robert A. Heinlein, Stranger in a Strange Land, 1961, 34.

If I can stop one heart from breaking, I shall not live in vain; If I can ease one life the aching, Or cool one pain, Or help one lonely person, Into happiness again, I shall not live in vain.... - Emily Dickinson

It's so easy, To think about Love, To Talk about Love, To wish for Love, But it's not always easy, To recognize Love, Even when we hold it .... In our hands - Jaka

The way to love anything is to realize that it might be lost. - Gilbert K. Chesterton

If you love something...let it go, if it comes back to you it was truly meant to be. - Unknown

"You never lose from loving, you lose from holding back" - Erin-Rose

One look at love & you may see, it weaves a web over mystery... For tattered threads will rend apart & hope has a place in a lover's heart - Enya

The greatest happiness in life is the conviction that we are loved - loved for ourselves, or rather, loved in spite of ourselves. - Victor Hugo

The course of true love never did run smooth. - Shakespeare

To have true love you must have total trust, without trust you can't have true love ..............So believe in and trust the one you truely love. - Jackie

To love a thing means wanting it to live. - Confucius, Analects, 6th century B.C.

Love yourself first and everything else falls into line - Lucille Ball

Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies. - Aristotle

Kindness in words creates confidence, kindness in thinking creates profoundness, kindness in giving creates love. - Lao-Tze

Where there is love there is life. - Mahatma Gandhi

And remember, as it was written...to love another person is to see the face of God. - From Les Miserables

As selfishness and complaint pervert and cloud the mind, so love with its joy clears and sharpens the vision. - Helen Keller, My Religion, 1927.

Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. --H.L. Mencken

Love cannot endure indifference. It needs to be wanted. Like a lamp, it needs to be fed out of the oil of another's heart, or its flame burns low. --Henry Ward Beecher

One does not fall into love; one grows into love, and love grows in him. --Karl Menninger

Love is a medicine for the sickness of the world; a prescription often given, too rarely taken. --Karl Menninger

We love the things we love for what they are. --Robert Frost

Absense is to love what wind is to fire; it extinguishes the small, it inflames the great. --Bussy-Rabutin

A heart that loves is always young. --Greek Proverb

To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world!

J.C. Cloutier

You say my eyes are beautiful, that is because I am looking at you.

J.C. Cloutier

More Truisms..

Love yourself and your life and then you can love others

AlceOrchid@aol.com

Life gives us time,,,,, Only love gives it meaning !!!!!

Ruthann

The love in your heart wasn't meant there to stay. Love isn't love til you give it away.

jasmine@geocities.com

alone.all alone again.here i am without you.maybe it is our destiny that we can not be together.love is simple.love is hard.love is something that breaks our heart.memories is all that's left.im alone and i have to wait.im down but i have my faith.

PiNaY221@aol.com

Trust in what your heart tells you...Believe in what you know inside, and remain true to yourself. Don't look back, but look forward to all possibilities.

SunzetSea@aol.com

It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye.

Antoine De Saint-Exupery

Sometimes the heart sees what the eyes can't.

Unknown

When one door of happiness closes, another opens: but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one that has been opened for us.

Helen Keller.

WHAT IS LOVE?

2008-10-24T19:41:00.000-07:00

Scientific Answers

Researchers (Hatfield & Rapson, 1995) have broken up love into two main types:

* Passionate love which involves continuously thinking about the loved one and also involves warm sexual feelings and powerful emotional reactions.
* Companionate love is having trusting and tender feelings for someone who is close to you.

Now one of the best known theories of love (which means an educated guess that isn't proven fact) is Robert Sternberg's Triangular Theory of Love.

The three components of the Triangular Theory of Love are:

Passion, the feeling physically aroused and attracted to someone.

Passion is what makes you feel "in love" and is the feeling most associated with love. It also rises quickly and strongly influences and biases your judgment.

Intimacy, the feeling close and connected to someone (developed through sharing and very good communications over time).

Intimacy is what makes you want to share and offer emotional and material support to each other.

Commitment, pledging to your self and each other to strengthen the feelings of love and to actively maintain the relationship.

Commitment is what makes you want to be serious, have a serious relationship and promise to be there for the other person if things get tough.

Now Sternberg also uses his Triangular Theory of Love to answer some of the most commonly asked questions about love:

Is there love at first sight?

This is when we are overwhelmed by passion, without any intimacy or commitment (both of which take time). Sternberg calls this infatuated love, Because there is not intimacy or commitment, infatuated love is fated to fade away.

Unscientific Answers

Are your palms sweaty, is your heart racing, And your voice caught within your chest?

* It isn't Love, it's Like.

You can't keep your eyes or hands off of them, am I right?

* It isn't Love, it's Lust.

Are you proud, and eager to show them off?

* It isn't Love, it's Luck.

Do you want them because you know they're there?

* It isn't Love, it's Loneliness.

Are you there because it's what everyone wants?

* It isn't Love, it's Loyalty.

Do you stay for their confessions of Love, because you don't want to hurt them?

* It isn't Love, it's Pity.

Are you there because they kissed you, or held your hand?

* It isn't Love, it's being Unconfident.

Do you belong to them because their sight makes your heart skip a beat?

* It isn't Love, it's Infatuation.

Do you pardon their faults because you care about them?

* It isn't Love, it's Friendship.

Do you tell them every day they are the only one you think of?

* It isn't Love, it's a Lie.

Are you willing to give all of your favorite things for their sake?

* It isn't Love, it's Charity.

Does your heart ache and break when they're sad?

* Then it's Love.

Are you attracted to others, but stay with them faithfully without regret?

* Then it's Love.

Do you accept their faults because they're a part of who they are?

* Then it's Love.

Do you cry for their pain, even when they're strong?

* Then it's Love.

Do their eyes see your true heart, and touch your soul so deeply it hurts?

* Then it's Love.

But do you stay because a blinding, incomprehensible mix of pain and elation pulls you close and holds you?

* Then it's Love.

Would you give them your heart, your life, your death?

* Then it's Love.

Now, if Love is painful, and tortures us so,
why do we Love?
Why is it all we search for in life?
This pain, this agony?
Why is it all we long for?
This torture, this powerful death of self?
Why?
Because it's...
Love